permission to cry
by: tripp fontane
Permission to cry, mama?
I know you say big boys aren't supposed to
What about when I don’t feel so big
When I feel as small as singular salt stain on cheek
Watching you hurt
Forcing your body well past 40 hours
Working your fingers to arthritis
Struggling to interlock your fingers
Planting prayers under your pillow
Crying over them nightly
At least let me cry with you
Maybe they’ll grow faster
Permission to cry, babe?
I know it makes me weaker
A little less man with every tear
But I'm tired
From keeping it all in
My arms aren't big enough to hold us both together at once
I'd rather let it out than let you go
Are my tears safe with you?
Can I trust you enough to lay down my burdens
And them not being weaponized and held against me?
Can I be imperfect?
More man than super
Must my masculinity be my kryptonite here too?
Permission to cry, my nigga?
I mean I was there when it happened
I know it's against the code
But I don't wanna be a G right now
I just wanna grieve
My eyelids ain’t got much strength no way
Closing my eyes couldn’t stop closed casket
Couldn’t stop me from seeing just how cruel fate can be
I can’t continue on congested
No Paul could bear the weight
Eyelids weary from playing dam to an overdue river of truth
My eyelids not strong enough to stop me seeing
Permission to cry, dad?
I know it’s not how you raised me
But, I’ve fallen
Too many times to ignore pain
I’ve been in pain too long to continue neglecting the healing process
‘Cuz I don’t wanna be the man your actions taught me to be
Bitter as tears that never fell
Oppressive weight you were too “strong” to let go
You taught me emotionally immature
You taught me to trap myself behind walls of bravado
To call them protection
Call them manhood
Do you even remember how to cry out for help?
Permission to cry?
‘Cuz I’m broken
From contorting spirit into stereotypes called masculinity
From trying so hard to pull the pieces together
They’re never all they cracked up to be
Permission to be
And express is
Permission to express
To evict negative energy without fear of judgment
Permission to breath
To sigh in the name of relief
Permission to baptize
To be cleansed in a collection of my own tears
Permission to...… to...… to...
Rapper | Poet | Educator | Author
Tripp Fontane is a Dayton native - rapper, poet, educator, author of the book (All Is Fair - A Collection of Poems and Thoughts on Love) and founding member of the spoken word group of Underdog Academy.
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order Tripp’s (All Is Fair) book: All Is Fair