Mortal man

A Eulogy: One Last Conversation with My Big Bruh

_AP21921-Edit.jpg

Mortal Man

A Eulogy: One Last Conversation with My Big Bruh

By: Karlos L. Marshall

At some point in our lives, most people are faced with an unexpected and possibly even a tragic death of a loved one. The process of healing looks different for all, but sharing one’s testimony publicly with others is largely a sign of recovery. A few years ago, the unforeseen death of my brother shook me to my core and I have largely been private about that experience and its impact since. It was his death that made me discern the truth and reality of mortality, legacy, and life’s purpose. This project is part of the ongoing healing process for me, as I have decided to share intimate details of our brotherhood with the world — that only our family members and closest friends have known.
— Karlos L. Marshall
_AP21913.jpg

I would like to just take this time to thank everyone for coming out and just to have one more conversation with my Big Bruh. Big Bruh, I would be remiss if I didn’t speak on your legacy, beliefs, and our experiences together amongst loved ones — on your celebration day. I’m just praying that my words could provide some level of justice to the life, in which you lived. Big Bruh, there are no words in the human diction that are capable of sorrow and suffrage of your loss.

When some individuals pass its unexpected. But you see — this here was unforeseen. It was unforeseen that we would not be afforded another opportunity of conversation — to cast a vision upon the present and future generations of all the children that bear our last name. It was unforeseen that I wouldn’t get another opportunity to call you on your way to work, as we oftentimes spoke about the plight of the Black community and creative avenues of change and upward-mobility for our people.

Big Bruh, it was unforeseen I wouldn’t be able to give you one more hug, one more backsided hand-slap that you thought was so cool. Big Bruh, it was unforeseen that we wouldn’t get to watch one more athletic event together. Or play one more game of one-on-one or horse even though I would mostly win.

_AP21920.jpg

But even when we played a few years ago, you played off of me because you said I couldn’t even shoot when we were growing up as kids. Big Bruh, it was unforeseen we would no longer get to reminisce on our own childhood — by watching our sons interact with one another; as you undoubtedly said it best: “they’re cousins, but more like brothers.”

It was unforeseen that the first day the world welcomed me — would be the same day I speak to you for the very last time 26 years later. “Happy Birthday Little Brother,” you texted me. I replied, “Appreciate it. Hope all is well with you and the kids.” You said “most def. Same to you.” Big Bruh, it was unforeseen that after many childhood years of endless nightly conversations — that those would be the last humble words we would ever speak to one another.

Big Bruh, it was unforeseen that we would never be able to relive and recreate the good ol’ days. We would no longer get to laugh at our oldest brother for throwing the baseball over the backstop from the outfield. It was unforeseen I would no longer get to crack jokes on you for always having ashy knees when we were growing up. Big Bruh, it was unforeseen that I would be standing here right now — telling you I would miss your jokes about how light-skinned dudes was out-of-style.

_AP21922.jpg

Big Bruh, do you recall telling me: how proud you were of me—after I got my master’s and bought my first house. A house that you went to take me to go see. You said, “you way ahead of the game Lil Bruh.” But you already knew, you were always the person I looked up to, as one person recently reminded me: “remember, I knew you when you were his Little Brother.”

Some called you “Truth.” I just called you Big Bruh. Big Bruh, growing up being able to say I was your Little Brother gave me a credential—that not even my own young hype could buy. Big Bruh, do you recall telling me that your daughter asked you: “is Uncle Karlos like my Daddy too?” You said, “no baby, but he’s like your Daddy when I’m not around.”

But that is one thing that I do know — is that you loved those kids. I’ve always attempted to try to emulate you and fill your shoes; something I still cannot do at this very moment, as I currently wear a pair of shoes that you once provided me.

_AP21878.jpg

But it would be unforeseen the seismic void you would leave. Big Bruh, if there’s one thing I knew, it’s that you loved those kids. Big Bruh: a Man of God, a Father, a Son, a Brother, an Uncle, a Nephew, a Grandson, a Cousin, a Best Friend, a Colleague, and a Man of the Community you were —— with a vision to take our people to see the world and see the world they will. Big Bruh, it was unforeseen that you would never get the opportunity to be my Best Man. For that — I will never have the privilege of having one; because my Best Man — that you still are.

Big Bruh, we choose to relish the way in which you lived, rather than ponder the ways in which you may have died. Big Bruh, you were one of the very best men I will ever meet. And it was a pleasure and honor to walk in your footsteps for as long as I have.

_AP21927.jpg

A fighter you were. You showed us that to your very last breath. Big Bruh, I know you have a great legacy because I still wear our last name proudly. I was your Little Brother then and I’m your Little Brother now. “Marshall Men: there are none stronger.” Ain’t that what you used to always tell me? Big Bruh, in the words of our favorite urban philosopher, “we gon’ be aight.”

In the true spirit of the African proverb—that it takes a village to raise a child, before you today brotha — is that village. We—will help raise your children. And Mom and Pops, also before you today is the village that helped deliver you second child to his righteoushome — for now — is your time to rest.

Big Bruh, it was and still is — unforseen, unimaginable, and incomprehensible — that my very first time being a pallbearer will be for you on this here very day. Big Bruh, that is the irony — for it is you—that has carried me, lifted me up, and propelled me forward to greatness — when I didn’t even know I possessed greatness in and of myself. That was the responsibility you felt to me your Little Brother. And for that — Big Bruh — I will forever love you!

Karlos L. Marshall

Educator | Civic Innovator | Brother

Founder of The Conscious Connect, INC.

Born and raised in the Champion City of Springfield, Ohio, Karlos L. Marshall has been recognized as an international thought leader at the intersections of urban education, civic innovation, and neighborhood revitalization. He has been named an honoree of the Forbes '30 Under 30' Class of 2019 and the International Literacy Association's '30 Under 30' Class of 2019. Through his nontraditional approaches, Mr. Marshall seeks to speak a world-class 21st Century cultural renaissance.

Turning Points

_AP27732-Edit-2.jpg

Mortal Man

Turning Points

Kameron Davis

Lately I've been trying to understand my purpose and how I would define my life up to this point, wondering "what type of man am I?" When I see the Mortal Man series it helps me realize that men are vulnerable, that I am vulnerable. At this point in my life I pretty much know who I am and who I want to be but at the same time there is that "unknown." There's some things about that that scares me and some things about that that excites me. In some ways I don't want to know everything about myself and what I'm capable of and in some ways I do.

I think about the generations in my family, especially the elders. Bing Davis is my uncle and he is pretty much the alpha male in our family of many men. He has a lot of wisdom to offer. He is an artist an educator and a strong christian man. Many of us in the younger generations look up to him and use him as our measuring stick. Lately I've been wondering about how vulnerable he feels. We all look at him as this strong individual but I'm sure that he's been through his own share of bullshit in his life and has thought about his own mortality. I wonder what things happened in his life to help mold him... "when did he reach his turning point?"

_AP27930.jpg

Looking back I realize that I had a naive childhood. I was raised by my mother along with my two older brothers. My father left when I was about two and was out of my life until I reached eight. He got back in our lives then because he wanted us to get to know our sisters. I was the baby brother in our house so I was very close to my mother. My brothers were older so I learned a lot from them, both good and bad - but I wasn't anything like them. I grew up playing video games. I didn't play sports or even think about dating girls until about my senior year of high school. I didn't really blossom or come of age until I got to college. Up until then all of my friends were gamers so I was definitely behind the eight ball. In this phase of my life I didn't know much about love, challenges or life in general.

One of my brothers told me that I was a late bloomer. That things always take off for me in life but they happen late. He said "you learn all these things super late but you progress in ways that I've never seen. When you hit your stride you hit it HARD."  And when I look back at all of the progressive periods in my life I realize that he is absolutely right.

_AP27722.jpg

There was a time in my life where I feel like I lost myself. It was five or six years ago and that's when I reached my turning point. I was dating my first college girlfriend - we were together for nearly four years and everything between us seemed to be going great. I felt like I had finally found someone that accepted me for who I was, PokeMon and all! Right when I was about to graduate I found out that she was cheating on me and I didn't know how to process or accept that. I was devastated. My foolish pride caused me to take her back only for her to cheat on me again. This time I became depressed. We tried working things out but never got things back on track. She started dating another guy and I hit a breaking point. One night she went to her new boyfriend's house and for some foolish reason I had to see things for myself. I was outside of his house for a couple of hours. I didn't know what I was going to do but I couldn't make myself leave. I had to get inside so I broke into his house. I wanted to see what was going on with my own eyes so I could stop denying it but I also wanted her to see me so she could see the pain and misery she was causing me. I wanted her to meet her demon.

They escorted me out of the house. Her boyfriend didn't press charges but I did have a civil order against me which stated that I could not come into contact with her. I realized that I needed help so I saw a therapist. I never told anyone about what was going on with me or that I was depressed. My mother and stepfather found my court documents that I failed to get rid of and confronted me about what happened like; "what were you doing stalking your ex-girlfriend?" That was embarrassing but talking to my stepfather about it helped me. He shared an experience that he had gone through that was somewhat similar so he understood what I was going through. Even though I love my father I love my stepfather as well. I have a connection with my stepfather that I really appreciate. It's almost as if we can communicate and understand how the other is feeling without even speaking a word. He's been there for me and has helped me understand who I am.

_AP27735.jpg
_AP27719.jpg

I realize now that I rarely expressed myself, what I was thinking or what I was going through and that sometimes there are events in your life that change that for you in an instant. I felt as though the men in my family were invincible, but now I am traveling through the discourses that shaped them into the alpha men that they are today.

Now I choose to do what makes me happy despite what others may think of me. I decided to own my own faults and flaws and to accept who I am as a person. I've had brushes with death and too many chances to take the wrong path in life and into the devil's work.

I love being an artists and having the ability to conceptualize and understand things.
— Kameron Davis
 
_AP27933.jpg

Kameron Davis

Turning Points

Person, Cinematographer, Photographer, Editor, Gamer, Creator of the Reflex Series

website: junebugg.space

reflex series: reflex

instagram: junebugg.free

facebook: Kameron Davis

"Look alive kid!"

The Prodigal Son

_AP26862-Edit.jpg

Mortal Man

The Prodigal Son

by: Darryll Rice

The most difficult thing that I have ever had to deal with is my father's death. He was my inspiration, my go-to guy; I won't say he was my God on earth but he was who I looked to for everything. When I lost him in 2002 I was somewhat lost and misguided. To cope I turned to smoking weed, drinking, going out all the time and I really wasn't taking care of myself. I was under a lot of stress and nobody really knew what I was going through because I put on a fake smile and pretended that everything was honky-dory. In reality I was miserable, I was depressed and I was unhappy so I was at my lowest point after my father's death because I had no direction. 

_AP26863.jpg

Church Hurt

I use to tell people all of the time that I gave "God a shot twice." In my early childhood I began going to church with a neighbor and enjoyed it until I found out that the pastor was a "money guy." That turned me off and I stopped going to that church. From there I had a family member that started a church, my dad was a Deacon there and I was a Junior Deacon. A year or two went by and I overheard a conversation between my parents and my family member who was also the pastor of the church in which my parents were told that we were no longer welcomed and was being put out of the church. At the time I was 15 years old so that really rocked me. I wasn't supposed to hear that conversation but I did and when my dad talked to me about it I was hurt and confused. I thought that God welcomed everybody so how could they put us out?

Later on my mother started attending another church and I went along with her. At the time I had cornrows, earrings, wore baggy jeans and Air Force Ones to church. The pastor went to my mother "without saying a word to me" and told her; "don't let your son come in here again with those braids in his hair, earrings in his ears, those jeans on and gym shoes on his feet. So I got kicked out of that church as well. 

[There is] therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.
— Romans 8:1

So "Church Hurt" goes deep with me. I meet people all of the time that have experienced some form of Church Hurt of their own. I think too many people put the emphasis on the pastor and the people at the church that they forget that the reason that you go to church is to get closer to God.  Some people tend to look at the pastor as a God and I've never been that way. So with my experience with Church Hurt there was always something in the back of my mind that made me wonder; "is this how God views his people?" I was looking at the pastors like "they know the bible and this is how they think so it must be how God looks at people."

Years passed and I dove into a lifestyle that is a complete contrast to the one that I'm living right now. It was a lifestyle of women, fast money, drinking, smoking and partying just about every week. I was living what the bible calls riotous living - kind of like the Prodigal Son. There was a void in my life and I didn't know how to fill it. I was so unhappy during that time in my life. I didn't know what to do what my life. I wasn't to the point that I was suicidal but I didn't care if I died so I was living each day as if it was my last.

_AP26886.jpg

Higher Calling

Things changed when one of my friends invited me to church. I was hesitant at first because I wasn't willing to change how I dressed or how I looked so I feared being rejected again. My friend told me that his church wasn't like that so I went to one service and really enjoyed it. When I walked in there was a lot of people that knew me and knew how I was living at that time so they were like; "YOU go to church now?" That made me question if I was really that bad? So I was like "man, what's going on with my life?" I began to feel uncomfortable and I told my friend "I can't go to this church." He told me that it wasn't about what other people thought of me but about my relationship with God and not to give up. 

One Sunday the pastor delivered a message that I felt was tailor made for me. He spoke about Church Hurt, the feeling of betrayal and people turning their back on you when you need them the most. The People of the Church acting as People of the World and The People of the World treating you better than the People of the Church. That resonated with me. That day I gave my life to Christ. Even then I was going to church every Sunday but still going home drinking and smoking and not fully committed to Christ and the Word.

One night I was watching one of Roy Jones' last fight and I got a call from my friend to come to the studio. At the time I was a secular rapper so I went without giving it much thought at all. I didn't know it but I was being set-up "in a positive way." When I got to the studio I noticed about ten people that looked exactly like me hanging around and I knew something was up because they were all looking at me. I asked my friend what was going on and he told me "we set you up, it's time for you to REALLY give your life to Christ." Another guy came to me and told me "this is about to be the first day of the rest of your life." He hugged me and said, "I love you, but no one loves you like God does!" I looked into his eyes and saw that he meant it. I saw the passion, the fire, the commitment. I collapsed and began to cry out. I told them that if I was going to do it I would need them there by my side every step of the way. That if I messed up I would need them to correct me, to support me and not to turn their backs on me. We finished the night with a prayer and I gave my life to Christ "for real" that night.

_AP26883.jpg

The Pressure to be perfect

This excited me. I was happy to be living. I felt a part of something, I had people that knew me supporting me. I began reading the word more, going to bible study every week and living the Word. We started a rap group called Jesus Or Bust, which means Jesus or die, and we lived by that; follow the word or die in your sins - that was our way of life. We put out an album in 2008 that was well received. It was an amazing experience. We put on one of the biggest concerts the city has seen in which we reached capacity and had to turn away 50-100 people at the door.

People began to identify me as one of "the Jesus or Bust" guys. I felt like I became somewhat of a local celebrity. Whenever I was out and someone saw and recognized me I felt like I had to put whatever I may have been going through on a personal level to the side and put the "honk-dory" smile on my face so I was like; "here we go again." The pressure to be "perfect" was becoming too much. People always expected to see me as "that perfect young man." 

As time went on I matured mentally and spiritually. Some of my friends were getting married., moving across the country or doing other things and some were drifting away from the Word so my relationships with the people that I was the closet to was changing and I found myself alone. I took this as God's was of getting my attention, telling me that he wanted some "Me time" with me. So he took everyone from me. It was just me and God by ourselves. I was attending church alone so I began helping out the pastor, helping out with the youth ministry and just being a servant. I wasn't dating anyone at the time or doing much outside of church, I was solely focussed getting closer to God. 

The pressure to be perfect was still there and I felt like people were watching me, waiting for me to fail and that hurt. I realize that I'm not perfect and so I didn't want people to shun me or turn their back on me when and if I was to make a mistake. I'm human so that's going to happen and that's when I need people's love, support and prayers. 

For as a man thinketh in his heart so is he.
— Proverbs 23:7

I focussed on becoming the man that God wanted me to be. With that when the time presented itself and the right person came along I would be ready to become someone's husband and not just their boyfriend. God blessed me with a woman that is perfect for me. I met a woman that studied the same thing in school that I did, that was trying to get closer to God. We both had things happen in our lives that could have soured us on love, trust and life in general but we had faith in God and were blessed to meet each other and fall in love. We both are flawed and are far from perfect but we accept each other's flaws and we are perfect for each other. We are in this together for life.

The pressure is their in our marriage as well because I feel like people are waiting on me to mess it up and make the rumor mill. To do something that's going to jeopardize me being a good husband to my wife and father to my daughter and I'm not going to let that happen. I know that I'm not the "perfect guy" but I also know that I'm not a heathen. I'm a man that's flawed but I'm also a man that loves God. I'm a man that's been through the ringer when it come to church and dealing with people in the church. So I just want people to realize that God is the only one that I have to prove anything to. I live a great life, I love my life and I refuse to ruin it by trying to live up to the expectations of others.

Lately some people have felt the need to challenge or be combative to nearly everything that I post on social media. I understand that we all see things a little differently but why get on their and waste time worrying about me? I don't understand how some people get more joy in watching or hoping for other people's demise than they do in watching them succeed. The saying "hurt people, hurt people" is so true and there's a lot of people hurting.

Some people tend to only keep record of the time that you tell them "no." You can tell them yes a million times but as soon as they hear "no" come out of your mouth one time here comes the slander, the back-biting, the "I told you so's." They forget about all of the other things that you've done for them and never consider what you may be going through and focus solely on the "no."

_AP26882.jpg

Passion, Process, Purpose

When I accepted God's calling I honestly didn't know what I was getting myself into. I just knew that I was excited to be called. I've started a lot of things in my life that I haven't finished but when God called me... I have to finish this. Even though I wasn't prepared to be called I feel that God is preparing me as I go. God gives me foresight, he guides me along the way. I never thought that I would be able to break down scriptures and get revelations from them, I never thought I'd be able to pray over someone but with God's blessings I'm able to do those things.

There's  a Three (P) Principle that I live by: Passion, Process and Purpose. Everyone has a Passion; something that they love to do and a Purpose their reason for being here on earth. People have to realize that they can't go straight from their passion to their purpose, you have to develop and spend time on the Process. That's the hustle, the grind... the hard work. You have to learn how to embrace it and realize that that's where the reward is hidden. That's where faith comes in.

I have a passion for young people, to see them do well and exceed. My process is dealing with the challenges and frustrations that go along with that and my purpose is to eventually have a youth center or place for young people to hang out in a safe environment and nurture them. Provide a place where they can just be kids and enjoy life.

Everything that I've been through is about me embracing the process of life. God will take things away from you to get your attention and when that happens you can choose to get bitter or to get better. I'm happy with where I am in life right now and I realize that it is not by my doing. God has blessed me. I could not have painted this picture any better. When I was younger my dream was to be a big rap star. Had that happened I would have missed out on the best things/people in my life. I wouldn't have met my wife. I wouldn't have my daughter and there's no way any of that stuff could make me anywhere near as happy as they do. God called me, he told me he needed me to help young people; the fact that God trusts me to make an impact on the mindset of our youth brings me great joy.

I don't live for "now." Now is going to come regardless. What does six months look like? What does five years look like? I personally believe that you have to live according to your own standards and your own goals. I try to get the young people that I work with to focus on that by challenging to be great because there's greatness in everybody, it just has to be unlocked.  Life is beautiful and life is great but life is also short so you have to make every day count. Life should be lived to the fullest.

  

_AP26878.jpg

Darryll Rice

The Prodigal Son

Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Rapper, Actor, Minister, Mentor, Student, Chef, Vacation Promoter, Business Man... Lover of God!

instagram: @kingtonyjob

facebook: Darryll Rice

website: Divine Catering and Events

 

 

A Dream

_AP27617-Edit.jpg

Mortal Man

A Dream

by: Ty Greenwood

I dreamed a dream lately

That they really see me,

That they really feel me,

That they won’t forget me

That they won’t kill me

Can you even hear me?

I dreamed a dream lately

That I truly matter

My Black life matters

That they don’t hate me, the Black rooted in me

That they learn to like me and appreciate me

(Yeah)

I can’t see what they see, but I know it’s not me

I gotta get this degree and be all that I can be

See, I can’t look back and say “what if”, FUCK THAT

I can’t look back and be stiff, FUCK THAT

Their conspiracy, I am the victim of subjectivity

It’s clearer lately, they’ll try to break me

Then turn around and praise me

I hope they really see me and that they don’t forget me

Please don’t kill me

I dreamed this dream lately

(Yeah)

I dreamed this dream lately

Ty Greenwood

I wrote this with one of my best friends, Passion, during our final semester of undergrad. I just heard the beat and then I started thinking about what I wanted to say. “I dreamed this dream lately,” came to mind. At the time I was directing my own original play, “This Kind of HATE,” which centered on issues of police brutality, race, interracial relationships, politics and media. It seemed like almost every other day there was something on the news about a young Black person being killed or beaten by the police. Part of this is where my inspiration came from to write my verse on the track. I began to think about all the dreams those Black people must have had and how they would never get a chance to see them come true. How the world never really got to see who they were. I feel in ways this was a cry out of anger, pain and hope.

_AP27606.jpg

Passion and I would often sit in the studio and reflect on the fact that we were two young Black kids from “the hood” that were about to graduate from college...something that statistically tells us that we wouldn’t. Talking about how far we had come never got old. All of the late nights and early mornings were worth that moment when our name was read and we walked across that stage to be handed our degree. Lord knows it wasn’t an easy road by any means. My first year, I wanted to transfer from Washington & Jefferson College (W&J), but two mentors of mine, Auntie Ketwana Schoos and Devan Carrington convinced me to stay and promised to have my back over the next three years. If it wasn’t for them I’m not sure I would’ve stayed. I can say I’m glad I did. My four years at W&J were definitely some of the best years of my life. I accomplished more than I could have ever imagined I would. Knowing I left a mark, a legacy and an impact on the campus reassured me that I had something to give to the world.

_AP27629.jpg
This is part two of Ty’s three part story. Click the link below to read the others.
 
_AP27623.jpg

Ty Greenwood

I Danced With Death

Writer, Poet, Actor, Director, Teacher, Student… MULTIFACETED

twitter: @ty_greenwood

instagram: greenwood26

facebook: Ty Greenwood

email: greenwoodet26@gmail.com

"please be sure to comment below to continue the conversation, offer words of encouragement or to share your story."

Neverland

_AP27683-Edit.jpg

Mortal Man

Neverland

by: Nathan Tipton

That morning I couldn’t hear the tick tock of the timer clock resting in the crocodiles scaly stomach, as my ears were submerged underwater.

But I could see the band of pirates we were racing against to see who could touch the wall at the edge of the ocean first. I don’t wanna brag but I won that race.

After the victory, we made it back to the forest, I mean after the swim meet we made it back to my house… Sorry I had a big imagination as a kid.

_AP27691.jpg

But, at a young age Peter and Tink, I mean mom and dad, taught us all we had to do is think lovely thoughts and we could fly.

And that’s all I would do, going on an adventures, exploring new lands, battling pirates, which is what I was doing after the swim that morning, until my brother and I heard a cry coming from the edge of the forest. It was Tink?

“Peter is hurt”, she screamed, “Please call an ambulance!!!”

We got the lost boys on our communication devices. Tootles, Nibs, Slightly, Curly and the twins sounded older than I thought, but they said they’d be over right away.

When we went to go see what was wrong, Dad wasn’t breathing so we had to give him...

I mean Peter was fine he just needed a sprinkle of pixie dust.

The lost boys rushed in to help and said they’d take it from there.

They made so much of a mess, I remember joking that we could have peter clean it up later.

I asked one of the lost boys what was wrong and the officer replied, “He went into cardiac arr…”

_AP27666.jpg

I mean tootles said Captain hook caught an attack Peters chest when he wasn’t looking.

We rode behind the ambulance to the hos…

SORRY… I mean, I was have a hard time flying so the lost boys flew us to the Piccanny tribe, where Peter would be healed.

Son it’s fine, don’t forget the happy thoughts, all you need is happy thoughts

Please come here Son, don’t forget the happy thoughts, all you need is happy thoughts

You have to go say goodbye to your father, don’t forget the happy thoughts, all you need is happy thoughts.

When I walked in, I only remember seeing a beautifully painted picture with the color in the middle starting to bleed to the outside.

Dad don’t you color out. Dad don’t you bleed on out.

Stay in the lines.

Stay in the lines.

_AP27710.jpg

In loving memory of my father. It is interesting to see how positively the growth from my father’s absence has affected me, and how it taught me (cliché alert) how short life really is. It taught me that there are so many points in life where one can deconstruct negativity and (hopefully) find a basis of gratitude. For instance, yea I am stuck in traffic, but when was the last time I was consciously thankful for my shoes, and whahahah I’m in a vehicle right now that can accelerate at inhuman speeds with the touch of my big toe!!!! WHAT THE F*** LIFE IS MAGIC!!! Granted it is also important to recognize that sometimes really real life can really real suck, and the emotions caused from that should not be invalidated. But recognizing how passively American culture has taught me to take my life for granted was very liberating to realize.  Trying to live in a space of constant communion with every relationship in my life (animate or inanimate, haha) makes it soooo much better. Whether that relationship is with my family, my friends, my strangers (yes, the strangers I interact with, not you haha), the mugs that holds my coffee in the morning, the seat I take on the bus, my car, my socks, the nature that I interact with, the sounds my ears hear (like even the sound propagating from my footsteps into my ears, then processing it through my brain is on some level infinitely complicated!!! AAAHH LIFE F***ING MAGIC!!!)...

_AP27693.jpg

 

Anyways, for myself, this trauma offered an opportunity equal in magnitude to grow. I could not be more thankful in this moment for my father, for the lessons he taught me while alive, and for the lessons he taught me in his absence. Love you Dad!

 

 
_AP27700.jpg

Nathan Tipton

Neverland

Student + Acoustician/Physicist + Poet + Musician/Composer

Author of the book Jokes and Therapyhttps://www.amazon.com/Jokes-Therapy-Nathan-Tipton/dp/1548657301

Sound Design/Composition:

Junior Astronaut: https://soundcloud.com/junior-astronaut

ReFlex Series: https://www.facebook.com/reflexseries/

You Changed Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz-m_ETjUMc&feature=youtu.be

Audiobook of The Love and Theory of Womanology by Leroy Bean

instagram/twitter: @juniorastronaut

snapchat: @blondrethegiant

inquiries: nathandatipton@gmail.com

I Danced With Death

cover

Mortal Man

I Danced With Death

by: Ty Greenwood

Ty’s story will be shared in three parts with I Danced With Death being the first.

I Danced with Death:

 I Danced with Death

I Danced with Death for four days and nights

But we went our separate ways

See, I had thangs to do

And Death didn’t understand that it wasn’t my time yet

What I thought was only four hours, turned into four days

And baby that was too long

There were people counting on me

I had to get back

Death and I got into a fight

Needless to say

I came out alive

But something tells me

Death and I haven’t had our last dance

_AP27580.jpg

I guess it is not everyday that a healthy, fit, 21-year-old college athlete is told, “Ty, it appears that you have stage-4 critical chronic kidney disease, and your kidneys are functioning at about 10 percent. You will need a kidney transplant to save your life.”

I mean, here I was weeks away from finishing my sophomore year at Washington & Jefferson College. I had just finished performing the lead role in our spring play, Eye of God, and celebrated my 21st birthday. Two weeks later I suffered a seizure caused by extremely high blood pressure and was taken by helicopter to UPMC Presbyterian Hospital, where I would spend four days unconscious in the ICU on a ventilator before waking up to my family surrounding the bed. For 10 days, I stayed in the hospital while many tests were performed to analyze my kidney function. However, through everything, I remained positive and determined to live my life… and I did.

_AP27574.jpg

After being released from the hospital, I picked up where I left off with my life. I had applied to a program called Breakthrough Teaching in San Francisco, California to teach 7th, 8th and 9th grade English and writing. I was chosen as one of the 23 Teaching Fellows to attend the program. It was always one of my dreams to visit California, and this was going to be the perfect opportunity. As if that was not exciting enough, an even bigger dream of mine had always been to travel to London to study theatre arts. During my sophomore year, I applied to study abroad at St. Mary’s University in Twickenham, England, and I was accepted! I was going to London for a whole semester! Yes, I had just been diagnosed with stage-4 kidney disease, and yes, my kidney function was at 10 percent and falling, but I was not worried. I told my doctors, “I’m going to live my life and if I die, I’m going to die LIVING.”

My summer was gearing up to be very busy, as I also had an eight-week apprenticeship at KDKA (CBS) TV-News studios in Pittsburgh to complete. I worked hard for each of my opportunities, and I had come too far not to take advantage. Four days after finishing at the news station, it was off to London for my semester abroad. London was life changing! I went to see over ten theatre productions and I loved every second of my classes. One class I took was screenwriting and it was during this class that my love for writing and wanting to create stories really began to blossom. I wrote a ten-minute short film script that was made and entered into the British Film Festival. I was able to learn about new ways to approach writing, the process of pitching story ideas, constructing a creative pack and editing my work.

_AP27596.jpg

Two weeks before I was supposed to return home from London that I began became very sick. I was not able to keep food down, and I had gained weight due to water retention. Sadly, I left London early. I returned home a few days before Christmas, and soon after, checked in with my kidney doctor to have blood work done. I was extremely tired over the course of the next week through Christmas. I was so exhausted; I ignored a number of calls, including my doctor’s office trying to get ahold of me to tell me that my hemoglobin (blood count) was very low. I had to go to the hospital to receive a blood transfusion immediately. Over the next eight days, I was told that my levels were so bad that I was breaking records—and not in a good way. I had to begin dialysis immediately to clean out the toxins in my body. The beginning of treatment was rough to say the least.

About a week later, my older brother Lance came into my room and told me that he found out he was a blood match and could give me one of his kidneys. The amazing part about this is that I am adopted, and my blood type is O-positive, which means that I could only accept a kidney from someone who is O-positive. Lance and I are not blood brothers, but as far as the transplant was concerned, we were. I was filled with an abundance of emotions and relief. The surgery was confirmed to take place on Thursday, February 18, 2016. It was a success and after two weeks (a normal recovery time is six weeks), I returned to college and attended classes and rehearsals for the upcoming spring play in April.

 
This is the first essay in a three part series by Ty. Please click the links below to read the others:
_AP27598.jpg

Ty Greenwood

I Danced With Death

Writer, Poet, Actor, Director, Teacher, Student… MULTIFACETED

twitter: @ty_greenwood

instagram: greenwood26

facebook: Ty Greenwood

email: greenwoodet26@gmail.com

"please be sure to comment below to continue the conversation, offer words of encouragement or to share your story."

Slowing Down

cover

Mortal Man

Slowing Down

By: Dan Tres Omi

Trees bright and green turn yellow brown
Autumn called ‘em, see all them leaves must fall down, growing old
— Outkast - Growing Old

There was a time when I would drive three hours to another city, train Capoeira for a few hours and then play for another hour, get a bite to eat, and then drive another three hours to come home and get ready for work the next day. My body did not need any time to recover. All I needed was a good night's sleep and Monday was not a thing. What is Capoeira? It is an African Brazilian Martial Art that incorporates music, acrobatics, and fighting or “luta.” Capoeira forces the practitioner to use muscles he or she has never used before. One class is a full body workout. Keeping track of all of the movements and sequences boggles the mind.

_AP26392.jpg

We have a saying in Capoeira: “if you get kicked it is your fault.”  So on top of just trying to keep up with class, one must be weary of a stray kick or two. It is definitely a young person's game. When I attend a breakdancing workshop or a Capoeira class, I am usually the oldest person in the room. One would think that at 44 and not yet a grandfather, this would not be the case. Most of the other participants are still in high school or old enough to be juniors in college. During a workshop, one does not have time to share your everyday struggle. Most of us paid good money to learn new moves or new approaches to movement and time is money. I surprise myself most of the time. I can keep up with my younger counterparts. I am not winded at the end of class. While my stretches aren't as deep and it might take me longer to get something down, I can make it to the end of class as easily as someone twice as young as me. However, when I get home and I don't take that epsolm salt bath, the rest of my week will be full of aches and pains. Twenty years ago, I never thought of soaking in a hot bath to soothe my body. Self-care was not even a thought.

_AP26424.jpg

I remember Crazy Legs, “one of the most famous b-boys on the planet,” stating that the kids these days who enter the breaking cipher have “rockets up their asses.” When he initially said it, I chalked it up as an old fogey that was washed up. This is no slight to the mighty Crazy Legs. In his fifties, he is still as spry and fast as when he appeared in the movie “Wild Style” back in the early eighties. It was not until several years later when I battled a younger comrade, B-boy Squirt “I shouldn't call it a battle - he easily plastered me.”

_AP26372.jpg

They say that many boxers who are in their prime and lose their first fight, go downhill after that. It is not a physical thing. They are at their peak. Boxing experts say it is a mental thing. Once they lose that first fight, their perception of themselves begins to diminish. Physically, they can accomplish all the things they need to in their field, but emotionally they start to see their shortcomings more vividly. Looking back to that battle with Squirt, I wondered if I was doing the same thing those boxers were. Maybe it is all relative. To the average person, a boxer is at his or her peak physical condition. They can still move faster and hit harder. They can run for miles on end. They can take way more pain then the average person. To another boxer, they can be slowing down. Another trained professional can sense when someone is beginning to fear that they are losing their touch. When one is younger, they feel invulnerable.

_AP26360.jpg

As a young man, the dangers I might have faced were never even a thought. When I visit NYC to see family, I am reminded of all the dangerous things I did as a child. I ran across train tracks. I rode in the back of buses and jumped off when it was time for me to get off. I climbed fences and abandoned buildings to paint my name on the walls. I fought and ran. I traveled to dangerous places to party. Back then, I did not see the real dangers that I might have faced that many have and did not survive. Some of these things, I am afraid to tell my children and my students for fear that they might try it. A word we still haven't explored when it comes to aging is (doubt.) Is it the fear a result of doubt? Does it creep in and plant itself in one's brain? Should we ask is this how a dream is deferred? Is this what Langston Hughes was referring to?

DSCF3627.jpg
This is Part Two of Dan Tres Omi’s story. Click the links below to read the others.
 
_AP26425.jpg

Dan Tres Omi

Slowing Down

Son, Husband, Father, Teacher, Afro Latino B-Boy, Author, Capoeirista, T-shirt Model, Pro-Feminist, Hip Hop Diplomat

Keep up with Danny on social media...

instagram: @brothereromi

twitter: @DanTresOmi

podcast: Where My Killa Tape At soundcloud.com/dantresomi

medium: @DanTresOmi

Leave comments here to keep the conversation going, to offer words of encouragement or to share your story.

Life (After Time)

_AP26648-Edit.jpg

Mortal Man

Life (After Time)

by: Willie Childs

It's never a good time to go to jail but I went at a time that I was old enough to realize that being locked up wasn't the thing for me and still young enough to have time to straighten up my life and have a positive impact on this world once I got out. For whatever reason; people are drawn to me and I want to use this gift to help others.

Being on probation is no joke. I did everything the probate judge asked of me but the pressure to be "perfect" and avoid being in the wrong place at the wrong time was beyond demanding. I wrote a letter to the judge requesting to have my probation time reduced. In the letter I documented everything that I accomplished - some were things that the judge/system put in place but most were things that happened just from me being me. While I was inside I helped people read and understand their mail. I also started a prayer group, this wasn’t something that I planned to do, it just happened from people seeing me and another guy pray before we ate.  With that people would come up to me and ask when we were going to pray again and I’d tell them there was no specific time but if you want to pray we can get that right now. A lot of the guys would tell me that they’ve been wanting to pray and make positive changes in their lives but never felt comfortable in church or other programs because they always felt like they were being judged on everything they did from the clothes they wore, the way they talked, etc. So again, another case of people relating to me and being able to make a positive impact on people’s lives. Just a lot of little things like that. These details were all in the letter that I wrote to the judge.

I detailed all the things that I had done while on probation. I was working, staying away from trouble and living by the letter of the law. The day of my hearing I had no idea if I would be the first or last person called from the judge’s docket. I was prepared to be there all day but my name was the first called that day. During my hearing the judge mentioned all of the challenges that he put before me during my original sentencing. He touched on my letter, called out all that I accomplished “and avoided,” the judge did all of this in front of a full courthouse so there were people in there who committed crimes and different walks of life. When the judge finished there was a loud applause for me, I was humbled and I also felt that the judge chose to call me up first to use me as an example, as a beacon of light that if you do your time, stay out of trouble and use that time to better yourself you can do it.

Coming home from jail is hard. It never goes away. It’s rough for a felon to come home and live a normal life after living behind bars. People look at you differently. There's times where I meet new people and everything is cool but once they learn of my past things go downhill from there. And finding a job? Most companies will pass on you with something like that on your record and the jobs that are available are usually low paying with no future or chance to advance. Every time I fill out an application I always wonder “are they going to bring this up? If they don't I wont. Is my past going to haunt me again?” 

_AP26634.jpg

Before I caught my case I worked with kids and I LOVED it! I’m passionate about working with kids and people in general, “I miss it and I’m going to do whatever I have to do to get back to that.” Now that I’m living my life “after time” I’m committed to getting back into that lane. Using my people skills to help make a positive change in people’s lives whether kids, grownups, felons or anything in between. However many years God blesses me with - I believe that’s what I’ve been put here to do.

I think we as men let our pride get in the way of talking about certain things. We talk about girls, shoes and sports but miss out on the important conversations like being heartbroken by a girl we thought we loved, managing finances and mortality. There's usually no example for us. Especially if you grew up without that male role model in the house. Early in life I was never really into suits. In my hood men were only wearing suits because they thought they were pimps or they had to go to court and neither of those appealed to me. 

_AP26639.jpg

Even with the challenges of my past I'm excited for my future. I have hopes and dreams just like everyone else and I'm pursuing them. I make a point to surround myself around people that are smarter than me, that are doing things that I want to do and that inspiring to me in any type of way. I'm still trying to figure things out but I like where I'm headed in my life (after time.)

_AP26630.jpg
 
_AP26650.jpg

Willie Childs

Life After Time

Reach out and engage with Willie on the platforms listed below:

facebook: Willie D Childs

instagram: @da_black_fabio

contact & inquiries: dablackfabio@gmail.com

 

Continue the conversation by leaving words of encouragement and support in the comments field below.

 

 

 

Mortality.

cover
 

Mortal Man

Mortality. 

by: Matthew Vaughn

 

11/26/17

Sitting diagonal to a queen two moons past comfort, I try not to breathe too heavy. Afraid I may frighten her into forever, I speak softly, but with bass enough to be felt. I have never met this beauty, but she is fairly familiar with my face. I am told I resemble Her brother, my grandfather. I find this to be truth when a smile awakens to the mountains of Her cheekbones and a whisper is screamed into my spirit, “How are you doing?” I recite a half truth and tell Her I am well, feed Her hand into my own, and watch as Her wisdom dances still. We share a brief kiss of the eyes, mine, drifting above Her brow to the grey coils wrapping towards a crown.

_AP26846.jpg

Tears of another elder cause a chaos in my chest. I witness the pain between two weeping rivers of remember when and a future without. A loss of hope engulfs the hearts of Her lineage, a gain of understanding sweeps them with purpose. Traveling word informs me, she is given the remainder of the week. Directly into the ear of my mother, and to the lip-reading eyes of my grandmother, “I'm ready to go,” is Her calling.

 

_AP26840.jpg

I write this story without a drop of sorrow, not because I am strong, but because I was only awarded with a moment, and, fortunately, a living and mysteriously nostalgic one. Death often attacks without consideration for those outside of its grasp. It usually does not wave goodbye nor express its love one last time. But it is one last time that we get. Whether or not we know it is then is for the moment to reveal itself to passing truths. This year, a year of unexpectedness, my first year at a college and my first year losing a friend from college, a year which my father's mother volunteered mortality and was denied in her effort, a year which my mother's mother shivered at the mere mentioning of such… as we still await her results, I have learned how troubling the acceptance aspect can be. This is, however, a glorious reflection on the light we have casted in whatever amount of perceived time we are here. It is intentional in both the process of mourning we endure, in whatever way that may be, and the clarity and lessons learned following. Although mortality is on its way, we can still live with enough purpose to enjoy and be enjoyed in everlasting life. In the hearts of our homes. In the memory of many spirits. In the love we spread which lasts, without conditions, into eternal.

_AP26848.jpg
Alexandria Austin 9/16/96—9/26/17

Shirley Williams 4/8/37—11/27/17
 
_AP26824.jpg

Matthew Vaughn

Mortality.

Student + Spirit + Poet + Tree + Maroon Arts Group + Member of Underdog Academy

instagram: @MatthewVaughnUA & @underdogacademy

twitter: @MatthewVaughnUA & @underdogacademy

inquiries: underdogacademy937@gmail.com

website: uapoetry.com

Be sure to keep up with Matthew on social media and please leave comments on this page to offer words of encouragement, to share your story and to keep the dialogue going.

Never Thought...

cover

Mortal Man


Never Thought...


By: Mike Cooley

When you can’t find nobody else to speak to you can speak through the music. Help other people feel your pain, your struggle, your passion. You know, what you live and die for, your values in life
You know what I mean?
— Busta Rhymes (Music for Life) off of Hi-Tek's Hi Technology II album
_AP26782.jpg


I've been making beats since 17 or 18 years old. That's when I got my first drum machine and started expressing myself through beats. It's my main passion and probably how I best express myself. I started making because I rapped and over time I grew tired of rapping over my favorite rapper's and producer's instrumentals so I got a drum machine and got into making my own.


A few weeks ago a Jesse, who was a rapper and a close friend to my brother was killed. It was senseless violence. I was upset and I was hurt. I felt like I had to do something with this pain so I made a beat so that I along with my brother who is a rapper as well could make a tribute song for Jesse. Near the end of the song there's a synth that comes in and that particular part is where I envision Jesse's voice coming in laying his verse. That's my way of paying homage to him.

_AP26764.jpg


I was sitting in the house for days just pissed off, Jesse had just turned 21, he has a baby on the way, he just got married so it hurt, I was hurt. I knew sitting around the house drinking or smoking wasn't going to do anything so I decided to make that beat and I did feel a lot better after releasing my pain, using my music as an outlet. 

_AP26766.jpg


All of this took place right around the same time that the Mortal Man project was released so I was like "this timing is right on point, like this project was made with me in mind!"


A lot of times when I'm dealing with situations like this I don't talk about it. I feel like talking about it is just going to make me think about it and feel worse about it so I try to avoid those feelings. Bringing up issues that you are trying to push down is tough but sometimes I do feel better after talking about them... dealing with and releasing that pain does help.

Never Thought
— Mike Cooley
I made it for my little brothers who had just lost a great friend to senseless violence. His name was Jesse. The plan is they’ll rap on the 2 empty verses and then when the beat switches and the instrumental starts going crazy that’s like Jesse’s verse. They all used to cipher together at parties. Since he’s not here to rap I put the synth lead in there to represent him.
— Never Thought...
 
_AP26767.jpg

Mike Cooley

Never Thought...

DJ + Rapper + Beat Maker + Music LOVER

Maschinist. Trunk Bound Regime extremist

instagram: @atrunkboundcooley

tumblr: liquorandbeats

email: trunkboundregime@gmail.com

be sure to leave comments below to keep the conversation going, offer words of encouragement or to share your story.

Acceptance

cover

Mortal Man

Acceptance

by: Randle B. Moore III

The stigma surrounding being a black, gay, male in America has changed drastically over the last ten years, yet we still have a very long way to go. Unfortunately in 2017 young, black, gay men are STILL faced with stigma from their families, friends, church members, co-workers and others (society in general) that they interact with on a daily basis.

People who identify as LBGT+ are commonly disowned by family members and friends, treated as outcasts or black sheep which can lead to depression and a sense of "mental" solitary confinement, both of which contributes to a higher suicide rate in the LGBT+ community.

_AP26315.jpg

Individuals who are NOT among the LGBTQ+ community often ostracize, demean, condemn and criticize individuals just for wanting to be comfortable in their own skin. I wanted to engage in this photo essay to let more people know how stigma contributes to death. Death of a whole community of people who want nothing more than any other human, which is to just want to be happy... "like all of you!" 

 

_AP26296.jpg

If there are any questions on how SPECIFICALLY stigma and silence on this particular matter equals DEATH for our marginalized  community, please feel free to reach me at: randlemoore@equitashealth.com 

 

 
 
_AP26322.jpg

Randle B. Moore III

Acceptance

I’ll be happy to share more personal and intimate situations and circumstances that have a negative impact on society at large!

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to be a voice on behalf of a whole community of people who are still afraid to even exit the closet because they don’t want your SHIT!

facebook: Randle B Moore III

email: randlemoore@equitashealth.com

A Man Is Not A Boy

_AP26338-Edit.jpg

Mortal Man

A Man is Not a Boy

by George Webb

A man is not a boy he makes things happen. He understands that struggles are temporary even when he can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Fun doesn't come before the bills being paid. A man puts his business before his wants - he knows winters coming. Too many men are in the clubs obsessed with looking rich with fifty cents in their pockets. When are we going to be responsible? Michael Jackson told us years ago how to fix the problem; "you start with the man in the mirror."

_AP26351.jpg

A man doesn't point his finger at anyone, he stands on his own. Women love a responsible man, a God fearing man, a man that keeps a job more than eight months. A man that keeps a roof over his head. It's not the sex that counts - but the little things. Men lead by example. Spiritually we are the head of the household. Who is going to start leading today? Stop waiting until New Year's Eve parties to get it right. Who is going to make a change today? So men do yourself and the world a favor, do your families a favor and stop making excuses. A man is not a boy he makes things happen.

 

_AP26356.jpg

 

I wrote this piece to encourage our men. Even though the world is war torn it doesn't give us the right to ignore our responsibilities. We have to carry ourselves the correct way, take care of our families. Be firm in our convictions. Don't just talk the talk, BE the talk. Everyone goes through hard times it's a part of life. I know what it feels like to take a step forward only to be knocked three steps back. It's not easy and was never meant to be. The world is trying to break us. We must take a stand and overcome every obstacle. That all starts with us. We can move mountains together if we work together. 

 
_AP26354.jpg

George Webb

A Man Is Not A Boy

twitter: @georgeadamwebb

instagram: @corporategeorge

facebook: George A Webb & corporategeorge

snapchat: @followmymoves